I haven’t written on this page in quite a while. If I look at it, I’d be willing to bet I can’t even recognize the person I see, save for the vestiges of my memories, where a very small amount of things are kept at one time.
I’m still amphetamine free! How many months is that? I quit October 2nd of last year, so… I’m not trying to keep a tally anymore. It just is what it is. One of the things I posted recently was, “Exgf told me to come see her and I said I couldn’t. She told me she had dope. I told her the answer still nope.” I still find that talking about my choices publicly makes it easier to stick by them, and to anyone who is struggling with committing to it when they know they want to stop, is to tell everyone who doesnt know and talk about it. It’s hard to do but it helps.
It’s almost like I avoid the outside world though. I go to work, I come home, I get on Discord, and I play video games.
Oh! That’s another thing I do now, and it’s probably why I don’t write here much anymore. I stream on Twitch, although very much as a side hobby, when I have time — not professionally or anything.
It’s weird to get most of your social life through a community chat room where you’re sometimes on camera but no one else is. I feel like it’s somewhat asocial. I feel very obnoxious and annoying a lot of the time, but at the same time, I don’t have it in me to care enough. I just do what I do. And maybe, to mitigate the social awkwardness this creates, I have decided I’m better off on my own.
Like, even now there is at least a couple of text messages with Saturday night offerings to come out. I guess it’s easy to use the excuse that I have to work in the morning, which I do! It’s not an excuse. I do have to work in the monring. But… It’s also an excuse. I’ve become overly comfortable minimizing my communication with people.
To the point that I don’t even really need to express myself badly enough to often write out my thoughts for others to understand me. It’s almost like, this is my compromise. I’m not going to go out and be actually social, but I’ll at least write out my thoughts for others to read, so that in some way, there is human interaction.
Other than that…. I can’t promise I’m going to write here all the time or anything, but I might try it again. Part of me would like to start doing written reviews of the games I play.
I ended up finishing that computer I started. It’s amazing what kinds of things you can actually finish when your mind is on the ground somewhat.
If I write again, it will probably be about my video game playing.