Why Nothing Matters Necessarily

The truth is, I don’t care about whatever I was writing before. That I didn’t finish it, or the mental state I was in at the time that disappoints me so, to see how alien and replacing of me it can be; I don’t care. I don’t care about this sentence, the last one, or the clause structure of anything.

A lot of people saw my nihilism develop from a truly depressed state. Unlike the unaffiliated, doppelganger infested mind that I see traces of passing by like strangers today and in recent memory (what little there is, and how off and on it can be), there was a far more dissatisfaction with life and existence. It was an extremity of such. Suicide wouldn’t have been enough to solve the problems of the world and it’s suffering to me then. I thought, truly, that the only way to make it right would be if not just everyone and everything died simultaneously in an instant cataclysm, but if a certainty that life itself would not re-emerge somehow in its cycle on another speck of dust with the conditions; that would be the only way. I thought, feeling a deep disgust at the passing of birds overhead in the sky where the sun was gently coming down to a basking wet humidity of sweat and misery. Life itself and all its allergenic effects on me colored my view of how feasting upon itself and propelling itself ever forward, we all persist for the perpetuation of the suffering.

I wondered hypothetically, if I had the switch; if I had the nuclear armaments and in enough quantity, placed equidistant all over the world such that a detonation could eradicate existence even for just life on Earth if not for all eternity, would it not be truly the most noble and good thing if I took the responsibility to make it happen.

I said, “Only if every person dies at the same time, such that the suffering of life is not left on the ones remaining. If only then it would be for the best.”

But I would ask, “Even if it is for the best, and if it is what I want, is it okay that I might decide for everyone what is best for them; to give them my idea of what will be for them. Do the ends (a peaceful oblivion) not justify the means, if the only way to achieve it is to stand in opposition to people who would fight me to the exponential increase in the world’s suffering just to try to stop me. If I had such a power, there would be people who would choose to suffer just for the chance to live.

And for this reason I said, “I would not do it. But it would be for the best if others would accept this.” And in my mind, always with an ideation of suicide, I imagined the only way out I could be okay with. It only worked if everyone died. I couldn’t leave behind suffering like that, in my view of self interest. So I said, “This is a thing I cannot do,” as I often thought of how I should do it.a

My nihilism arose from this but it did not stop there. A lot of things changed, time passed, I became a different, wiser person, and I realized the folly of my feelings.

It was true that there was nothing of concrete value making it all worthwhile to endure, but it was this¬†certainty¬†that I began to define what I called, “the true nihilist;” that is, one who does not despair existentially at all, knowing that there is no reason to.

Yes, there is suffering. I suffer constantly I would say without even being aware of it a majority of the time. This is the thing that people should accept. There is no oblivion and this is a momentary glimmer, to be followed by another having no sense of the one before it some day. All will crumble an d everything will be forgotten, and because of this, there will always be a possibility for things that seem to always be the same, or too awful too endure; maybe changing too fast to keep up with — even the best of times that ever were — are subject to a stability brought about changes innately varied in alignment towards law and order. There is nothing that is so permanently constant that it’s reality diminishes anything otherwise, so there is nothing to despair. It doesn’t matter.

And this is where peace lies. In attachment to things, you are unable to move forward into what will be wrought with or without you. You become a helpless passenger. In fear, you lose sight of the power within you to build your life into what you would have it be, how no circumstance must shape the feelings inside of you, which are your own. There is nothing to blame but yourself if you cannot attain this.

I am no Nietzschean, but this is how I hold the will to power. There is power within you to make life anything you would have it be, and though there will always be suffering washed up in the sad and happy things, it cannot stop you if your will to power remains calmly in control of the most stressful madness that can possibly be endured; that most would crumble and be left to streets, prisons, psych wards… And when left to those things, with discipline, a will to power carries on with no reason to complain and a mind clear of despair.

Otherwise, it would be silly to say that you are a nihilist at all; perhaps, maybe, you are on the path to becoming one. But, this is a path facing madness, one that many likely cannot find their will to power knowing. And, given the nature of things, it is of course possible… that to madness, one day, it will be lost.

But I will never give up on being content in spite of all things. This is why nothing truly matters, and I let go.



It’s a good thing I don’t often write here, that you have likely forgotten this exists at all, similarly to how I do myself.

It’s possible I will relinquish any former design of what I wanted to write here, and it is possible I will occasionally make a return to them. But… right now, what I want to write is going to be more difficult to write than anything I wanted to write a week ago.

It isn’t that I can’t organize it. It is, can I be openly honest about it. And, if I tried to do that, would it be possible for me to know the truth about myself that I cannot understand now.


Ideas Intersect

(in three historic manifestos)

So, if you were not aware, I am given to producing at times what I cannot refer to as art or poetry or music, but rather, Dada — beat generation-like nonsense, collages of found objects, and straight up compulsively obsessive noise put forth for the sake of its self as a means to its own.

It’s possibly easier to give you the crash course in Dada thought with the 1918 manifesto written by Tristan Tzara, a Frenchman living in neutral Zurich during WWI.

Dada Manifesto
by Tristan Tzara
23rd March 1918

After reading this in 2013 for the first time, many aspects of my “meta-modernist[1]” nihilism and new philosophical outlook began to take form — [1]that is, post post-modernism (to be modernist again after modernism and its hope was lost to postmodern despair, but practically in the light of both notions [said to be in oscillation]) — and is somehow very similar [that is, my personal philosophy as it has developed] to what western people think of as a Buddhist idea of duality and acceptance without all the practices of the “Great” way.

So, let me just go ahead and plug a few other manifestos relevant to the paragraph above which is possibly not making sense to you if you have not been already familiar,

The Metamodernist Manifesto
by Luke Turner (2011)

Though my ideas are not specifically influenced by this millennial notion of meta-modernism, it is true that my ideas are at the very least occurring as a result of modernist and postmodernist ideas and happening in the same era, same as my own ideas. So, it’s relevant, and I consider it a contribution to the modern day Dadaism I have found peace in, I also brought it up and hopefully it sheds light on what I said above. Otherwise…

Let me simply plug another one; but first let me say, I am not a Buddhist. Like most organized notions of spiritual existence and the order of those who understand it, Buddhism has some neat ideas mixed in with a whole lot of ancient bullshit. How seriously you take it is obviously up to you, but let me affirm again: I am not a Buddhist. Don’t fall into any of the con artistry of these spiritual websites and their holy texts and inspiring quotes. I can’t be responsible for what this leads you to.

Besides, I can’t verily give a fair summation of Buddhism, as I am fairly without knowledge of its many variations and intricacies. And though I find that it’s “ironic” how much I have in common with this poem, I take no interest in otherwise identifying myself with what is already my primary criticism of the work: there is nothing terribly great about this way of thinking. It simply is a way of thinking. Nothing more. But eerily often, it is quite like my own way.

The Third Patriarch of Zen
Hsin Hsin Ming by Seng-T’san

I find it hard to make time to write the things I often wish to write. These days I’m always getting ready for work, you know, which I have to be doing soon and so I can’t continue to where I would go along this train of thought at the moment. So I’ll leave you simply with these notions and how they have intersected within me to form some personal philosophy, which I have only begun to speak of officially here.

The context of my Neon Dadaism will be relevant when I begin to edit and publish the collected bits of graphomanic verse that I write — which, that’s a thing to talk about another day.

But if you must get a hint at what I mean, here is one such verse (or a portion of it) put to the Dadaist noise I spoke of in the first paragraph.

This was released under the pseudonym, fromthefirmament, which is my identity on Soundcloud.

Yeah, I’m going to get to talking about the production of noise soon enough and put some amount of sense to it. I plan to organize and edit and collect written works I have often left unedited — like, the words spoken in the 2billionyears verse. For now, simply behold the madness.